Why Does Everyone Online Think You’re Missing Something?

It’s hard not to notice a familiar, almost predictable message circulating through much of what we see online. Whether it’s wellness advice, motivational quotes, or self-help reels, the implication is always the same: You’re doing life wrong—but don’t worry, I can fix that for you.

This message is rarely direct. Instead, it creeps in through suggestion, comparison, and the soft smugness of “inspiration.” It tells you that your morning routine is inefficient, your mindset is underdeveloped, your diet is outdated, or your boundaries are too porous. There's often a subtle air of victory in these declarations, as though those sharing them have reached some higher level of awareness that you, poor soul, have yet to discover.

The effect can be deeply disorienting. Even the most grounded among us might start to feel we’re falling behind, that we’re incomplete, or worse—that we’re broken and need fixing. But what if this cycle isn’t about your deficits at all? What if it’s about something deeper that the digital world has tapped into: our natural, human craving for relief, belonging, and certainty?

Chasing the High: The Dopamine Loop

Buddhist monk Gelong Thubten, in his conversation on The Diary of a CEO podcast, describes this well when he speaks about the dopamine chase—the way we constantly seek fleeting bursts of pleasure or validation, hoping they will finally satisfy us:

“Most of us are trying to outrun something… we’re chasing dopamine hits, not real peace.”

Online platforms are carefully designed to exploit this system. Every “aha” moment, every motivational soundbite, every step-by-step morning routine promises a dopamine spike—a chemical reward for believing you’ve gained control. But this sense of control is short-lived. The hit fades. And so we go back, looking for the next fix.

This cycle mimics the way addictions form—not just to substances, but to behaviours, to validation, to hope itself. The promise that this one new thing will finally be the key. But as Thubten wisely points out, true peace doesn’t come from chasing—it comes from stopping.

“A myth we have believed throughout our lives is that we have to ‘get’ happiness… This is not happiness, it is a form of enslavement.”

When we constantly seek happiness outside ourselves—especially through curated online advice—we risk becoming slaves to the very idea that we are incomplete without improvement.

The Fixation with Fixing

So why do so many people seem eager to tell you what you’re missing?

Sometimes, it’s commercial—clicks, likes, followers. Other times, it’s performative—a subtle way to reinforce their own sense of progress. But often, it’s unconscious. We project our unresolved struggles onto others. If I’ve found something that soothes my discomfort, I might want to share it—and if I’m not mindful, I might end up prescribing it as a cure for someone else’s pain, whether or not it fits.

As a result, many online spaces become more about correction than connection—more about broadcasting than listening. And we, as users, begin to internalise this: I must always be working on myself. There must always be something wrong.

But therapy offers something different.

Be the Lion

Thubten shares a powerful metaphor in the same podcast episode:

“When you run after your thoughts, you’re like a dog running after a stick. But if you throw a stick for a lion, he turns around and looks at who threw it… Be like the lion.”

Instead of reacting to every stick thrown—every opinion, every tip, every insight—you can pause. You can look inward. You can choose whether that idea truly resonates with you or whether it’s just another fleeting distraction, another dopamine lure.

From Reaction to Reflection

In therapy, this shift—from chasing to noticing—is vital. Rather than following every emotional impulse or persuasive piece of advice, you begin to ask: What am I feeling right now? What matters most to me, not to others, not to the algorithm, but to me?

You may find that peace doesn’t come from fixing yourself, but from understanding yourself.

This is where real transformation begins.

A Non-Directive Space for You

As a counsellor, I practise in a non-directive way. That means I don’t tell people what to do, how to feel, or what to change. I won’t throw sticks for you to chase. Instead, I offer a space for you to explore what’s going on in your inner world—gently, honestly, and at your own pace.

If you’re feeling worn down by the online noise or just curious about what your own voice sounds like beneath it all, you’re welcome to reach out. Not because I think you need counselling, but because sometimes, it can help to have a space where the focus isn’t on fixing, but on understanding.

Reference Thubten, G. (Guest). (2025). The Diary of a CEO with Steven Bartlett [Podcast]. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=...